There are some things you can’t stop, and some things you just have to live on with.
Fighting for something real hard in what you know is not always 100% the best. It’s one of the things that you will always hate. And one of the the things you will always love. :)
Yes, true. I like a girl, which my best friend likes too. And every single day, I fall for this girl. It looks kinda sad of course, cause it’s my best friend who I have a competition with. But damn, I’m a human being. I’ve thought about this for a lot of weeks. And seriously, “sana lang, naiintindihan ako.” Because, I didn’t wish for this. It just happened. It wasn’t something I wanted to happen to erase everything from the past. It’s something that I feel only. I understand how my best friend feels.
I don’t follow my heart point blank, I follow it with my mind. And I know that this girl, is special to my best friend. But I can’t promise anything. I like this girl too. I mean I don’t know but I think I love this girl already, but I have to think clearly. Because, even if I’m as drunk as hell, she’s all I can think about. If you were with me a while ago, and saw me drinking, you could have sworn that I wasn’t around much with Rika. But, she’s all I ever think about everyday..
In everyday and everything. Drunk or not, depressed or happy. She’s the one who gives me the strength to become who I am. It may not be visible to me, but I am, I truly am, SOOOOOO~ into her. Positively, and emotionally, into her. She has the power in me, you will know that when you are near us two. Because, I can never hide true feelings. If I think of something that is funny, it’s not hard to get it out from me. When I think something is corny, you don’t have to ask, just look at me. XD And when you think I like a girl, you can always get it out of me, in multiple reasons. :))
But when I love someone, oh you don’t have to look that far. The woman I look to every single time when she isn’t looking, the woman I pretend to not care much, and try to talk to my other friends while she’s near, but truly thinks about her every single time. :)) It’s automatic.
When I met Rika, she was.. awesome, can’t think of any other word other than that. Even though my efforts aren’t recognized that much, because seriously, I’m not that experienced in courting someone, I always think about the girl I love, every single time. Even if she doesn’t feel the same. Why? Is that really bad to try? “walang mawawala sa’yo, mahal mo yung tao eh, bigay mo lahat mo.” :) I give my all, but I don’t show it, I know I have a lot of competition, but I have common courtesy.
“Hindi ko alam kung ano nangyare, basta nagustuhan ko yung tao. Hindi ko sinadya, pero, hindi ko rin maisip na mawawala. Totoo kasi nararamdaman ko. At ipinapakita ko yun sa mga malalapit kong kaibigan at kung may tsansa, sa taong mismong gusto ko. At kahit alam kong hindi pa siya handa, at hindi ko alam kung ano pwedeng mangyari. Handa akong maghintay. Ano bang mawawala sakin? Masaya magmahal. Masaya ipakita na yung taong yun, ay parang buhay mo na rin. Nag aalala ka, nag iisip ka lagi kung ano ginagawa niya. Masaya. Malungkot ng onti, pag hindi naman pareho nararamdaman, pero masaya. Hindi mo maipagpapalit kung ano man ang nararamdaman mo sa nagyon kesa sa iba. Kasi minsan lang yun, at sa tamang tao mo pa yun nagagawa. Madalas. Kaya gawin mo kung ano ang nilalaman ng puso mo, dahil, ito ang magsusulat kung ano ang mangyayare sa buhay mo.”
Much more than anyone thinks. So, Rika. :) Please stay safe. I may not be you future, but I promise, I will always be here for you. Nothing’ll ever change, ’cause you, you just make me feel so special. And you make me feel complete in many ways. Thank you, and I love you. :) <3