October Ender

Hmm, a lot has happened ever since first year college. Back then I was what? I think playing CABAL Online. Shy as hell to the people I meet. Not really out of my comfort zone, which is home by the way. And I have a serious relationship, well, sort of. And rushing to today, what do you see? I think I may have improved a bit. Why, you say? Well, firstly, I got over CABAL Online and made way to Granado Espada. Haha, well not an improvement there I guess. I am still a shy boy, although grabbing the opportunity to be a Peer Facilitator is a big step for me to get over my shyness. And the comfort zone. Well, the comfort zone is not visited much, but yeah right now I’m in it because it’s sembreak and I don’t have any money stored in. And this is me reaching out of my comfort zone.

*hand reaching out*

So supposedly you are finding a story I would tell today? I have 2 I guess, for this time of the day. One was way back from my semester ender and one just recently which just came up from my bestfriend Sam. Which goes first? It would be better if I told you what Sam and I just had a talk on.

It was around 9pm I think, Sam got bored and IM’d me. He said he was so bored that he wanted a little chit-chat. Well, of course I was there, I am always online when I am awake. So he asked how I was and I said fine overall, and partially, depending on certain topics at hand. I then told him also to ask me questions to have the deeper meaning to the word about how I am in “particular”. And as you may guessed, it was, again, about love. He asked how my heart was, and honestly, I said it is fine. He said he was glad that I was recovering pretty fast and I told him that I learned through it by experience. As far as this blog goes, I’ve had 7 heartbreaks before I had a girlfriend and 4 more after we broke up, so it’s not really hard to recover from the instances. But then Sam asked me another question before he went away. Why was I falling fast than any other person that he knew. I choked at frist, it was unexpected. Well, not really ’cause he had been meaning to ask that, I figured when we were chit-chatting in school. The first thing that came through my mind was my passwords. My passwords are vaguely about the girl I’m into. Of course not just that, I have on secret on my part included so it’s not really easy to hack. He was famished and laughed at the point I was making and asked me to reinstate more. Then I dug deeper and found inside, that they are my inspiration in life. And there goes Sam, thinking that there maybe a deeper context to what I was saying. So I just said, I just imagine everything better with a girl by my side. He stopped there and said, quoting, I thought may deeper meaning pa na madrama, na nakakagualt or what not, wala naman pala. Then he left in a hurry, I think he had to sleep that time. From that digging, I found myself thinking about the last question that was pin dropped at me back then.

Why was everything failing. Why was when everytime I liked a girl, becomes a bit mutual, then tell them how I feel, suddenly it turns around like magic. Suddenly, I’m really not the guy for them. Well, practically, if they said that to me (in which 3 of them did), I would be on the plank, ready to fall to the sea again and become another fish waiting to be baited by other women. But I still don’t know why. Am I the type that you just leave at the friends zone ’cause you know I am only just going to break your heart? That I am fragile as hell, and you couldn’t bear the fact of hurting me? Or I couldn’t be trusted with the way I live? Or I just pummel myself to the girl I like and just don’t care what may happen? Well, for that, I’m not mad. I guess I am just not really the person I am for these girls. Clearly they don’t like to be with the person I grew up to be. It doesn’t suck, and I don’t even think that it sucks they don’t have me. Me and whoever that girl will always have that chemistry (without the timing), and that would stay put. But that will not stop me in finding the girl I would be with to live in the real world. I will move about myself and find the right girl, because that’s who I am. And someday, maybe not long, me finding and me waiting for that same girl, will meet halfway.

Maybe the girl I like now is. :)



Funny how the online games portray in guy’s lives. Well not just these online games, but practically all games. While girls have their usual girl talk, we guys hang out at caf√®’s and have our hourly gaming sessions. It’s normal for a guy to spend hours and hours of just playing a game. Or to put it simply, guys are gamers. For example, myself.


The first ever console that I have played is the so called NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) today. Family Computer as other remembers. Next is SNES (Super NES) or Super Family Computer. Those 2, I have preserved and are currently here in my house. I sometimes play with them and get nostalgic at the earlier years when I was a child and didn’t care about anything but finishing Super Mario World 1-3, Mickey Mouse and Final Fight (forgive me, I don’t buy games, I am just given some). Then next came Nintendo 64, but used it like 6 times only and played Pok√®mon Arena?, I forgot where it went after that. Then got my first Gameboy, not the first one, but the Advanced SP. Then came the real Pok√®mon gaming. Then I got my Playstation 1 and played Harvestmoon like forever. There came also my Playstation 2 afterwards and hours and hours of GTA (Grand Theft Auto) took place. We had a computer by then that time, but I didn’t care about it much. When we lived here at Pasig, I left those consoles and got only my Nintendo DS which like had Mario Kart, FF3 and the last tape of Pok√®mon Sapphire for it’s GBA slot and that’s all I did. Until our computer was brought home. I was 2nd year high school by that time and just created my friendster page and started browsing the net. And that’s also the time my life went from consoles to desktops.


I started going to shops because my parents were strict about me surfing the net. There I met the game Warcraft III, and the still running part of it, DotA (Defense of the Ancients). Still a boom today, I played a couple of years, 2nd year high school-2nd year college, then I got bored of it. I still play rounds, when my cousins want me to. But it wasn’t the thing that I really enjoyed. What I loved was way back 3rd year high school. MU Online, which was a game I saw my sister play. It was the first online game I ever played, and first and last pay-to-play game too. I reached the point where MU Online was free-to-play but I grew tired of it. The one that really got me hooked was the next online game, CABAL Online. It got me playing till the 1st year of college. Trying out the Blader and Force Blader and killing high-level characters in game in a PVP. I also met someone in that game, it was very random, I’ll tell you the story..


Well, first of all, I may be one of the few scammers in CABAL Online. I created a female character there and started finding a guy player in who can give me some items inside the game. Technically not scamming, but lying I guess. So I was roaming inside the town of the game and ran over a female character. I was using my male character and thought why not try it otherwise. In my language I told her “Do you have a boyfriend? C’mon, be my girlfriend here.” Great ice breaker? Ha ha, but that started our daily meeting in the game. Her name was Amber Chelsea. It wasn’t really as nice at it started but boy, it was really random and cool. Why, do you say? The girl I chatted out of nowhere in the game turned out to be the girlfriend of my friend, John Phillip Godinez. We (Me and John) became bestfriends out of that hilarious event. When they broke up, I tried to court her. But to no avail. Story of my life. I was actually leveling my character because I have someone to see in the game. And frankly I became an addict in the game when I met her. I haven’t seen her in real life, but I have seen her online. I also had times where we talked on the phone (landline and cellphone). The feeling was a bit mutual, but that’s not always how it goes. That’s why don’t expect much, Erick. Ha ha. The time I quitted CABAL was when we were cold to each other and started drifting apart. Boom, life happened.


Moving on.. Next game, I am still playing today, alongside 2 other online games. Granado Espada. I love the gameplay of this game, and I must say, I am still hooked by this game. I can’t leave it be, even if 3 of my friends are not around right now (Jarvin, Pons and Nate). But me and Renz still spend time¬†at GE. And he’s like a God there having powerful items (using his real money to buy in game items) while me, finding every opportunity to save money inside the game to get stronger. I still manage to go online to have rounds in earning money, then logging out after. It’s because I don’t have my friends there to talk to. The past times were awesome. Even though we were not doing much about our characters, the fact that we were in one Faction (a group, and Jarvin was the leader, the one who recruited us to play) talking to each other had a big impact in staying. GE is an AFK (Away From Keyboard) game. You can press spacebar and your 3 characters attack the nearest monster it sees. My computer is always open because of this game. Well, I am not that active in this game, but I most definitely cannot leave it. I still have my duties at my new Faction with different people (GE Philippines is connected to the Singaporean server, so I have Singaporean friends there). :)


The two games I am playing besides Granado Espada are Luvinia Online and Forsaken World. Luvinia is just some of the frustrated part of me that wants to play a game that none of my friends know and become strong there by myself. And so if by sometime they want to try, I would be the one stronger. Ha ha. While Forsaken World, I was recruited by Gian Nathaniel. I started playing not long after it was released so I was a step further than my other friends, but then school came and I stopped a while. Why not stop at GE? Because Luvinia, Forsaken World, and CABAL Online are hands-on games. You cannot leave it there and you level up by yourself. Well, they have that, but not the same as the gameplay of GE. It wins the best gameplay for me, also the graphics. How the characters there use skills, very clean and cool. :)


Well, at the present, Granado Espada, Forsaken World and Luvinia¬†Online are the games I am playing. Also some DotA in occassions, I also open Battle Realms here, and Frets on Fire V. But clearly these is how I spend my time at home. Gaming and surfing the net. Apparently, I still have one handheld gaming device, my PSP Go. But where did I put that *finding my psp*.. Oh I forgot, I only use it only as a secondary storage device. Ha ha, and it’s with Aira. Oh well, no problem. ;)


P: Eto ang pinaka ayaw ko eh

E: Ang?

P: Having to end a good conversation.


Clearly it is. Pauiie and I had a great conversation 2 days ago. It was the first time we ever shared anything with each other and then secrets flew out of the closets. :)) Haha, of course instructed, I can never tell anyone of it YET. But it’s nice having new friends to talk to. To have great unbiased conversations here and there.


Well, from here and there, I have never thought I could be close to anyone from my past section. They were a bit snobbish at first, and we 5 just talked and hung out with each other. But then came the project in Art Appreciation and it started to give us a chance to bond with each other. Music Team, Film Team, Performance Art Team, it became uncanny how we started throwing jokes, laughing hard, going on trips. It became really comfortable. We plan on staying this semester to have our thesis. Leggo~


Here’s to new friends last semester and this semester. ;)


Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a break-up.. but I think you start to recover the moment you meet someone that gets you back in the game. -Ted Mosby.


Ever since me, Sam and Louie talked about her, I’ve been a bit open about what I’m feeling. Why Erick, why? Why do you have to show what you feel unconsciously? :| Haha.

On my mind?

What’s on your mind? The words shown in you status field before you type in anything on Facebook. An everyday eye-opener to realize where are you in life. You? What’s on your mind? How great your day is? How much you missed someone? How far could you plan for tomorrow? A lot can go through someone’s mind in seeing those 4 words. *type something* then *click post*, and there you have it, your status. Is it actually what’s on your mind? Why is it on your mind? Why do you want the people in your Facebook to see it? Would you want a lot of people to like it? Comment on it? Ignore it? Reasons are behind everything, but sometimes the reasons stay put to the people who post it. But as far as I know, statuses having a lot of words (or paragraphs) look too bogus, that’s why they are kept short with mystery. That’s how it captures the eyes of other people. But if we could say what’s on our mind¬†every time, it would be kinda like a diary. But¬†anyhow, it would really be meeting what it really needs to look like.

What’s on my mind? Hmm. First and foremost, finals. I really hope for the best that I don’t get any low/failing grades. I may have become too comfortable, so now I face the truth. Is it gonna be awful or awesome? I’ll find out soon. Next is next semesters Thesis Proposal. I need to find¬†group mates¬†quick, before I get to be the kid who has no group again, or the kid that no group wants. Gotta find one soon. Next is Sam’s look to me. I know what that means, and I know what he means. I don’t know if it’s a no, but the hell why do I smile whenever we begin to talk about it. Yes, I have moved on, but no, I don’t know. I have a lot to think about before I jump and try to court another girl. I suppose for me it’s too soon, but I don’t know really. It bothers me. Next is what do I do this sembreak! Ha ha. I have been doing nothing since the start of the semester, now it ends. I have no money this sembreak how will I ever make it. :| Next is this fat on me. Oh god, I need to go on a diet. I know it won’t end as planned, but yes, I WILL GO ON A DIET.. *gulp* Lastly, will be my next blog. I had a unexpected question thrown to me a while ago by Aira. And it bugged me when I got home. I will write/type it soon enough.

There it is. If ever everyone will live up to the question “What’s on your mind?” and answer it truthfully, I will post that. And then tomorrow, it might be the same, or not. Everyone would have like a¬†telepathic¬†power because they know what is REALLY on your mind. Could be great, or not. But one thing’s for sure, you are going to be loved for who you are, because whatever thing that comes out there, your friends, family and (if ever)¬†your significant¬†other will understand you more.