The Loyalist

So here’s how it goes. In the afternoon of 11.11.11 (around 1:30pm), me, Pons, Jaro, and Paul went to Trinoma just for fun and because we’ve got nothing special to do with someone else that day. So we cruised and had a little funny game inside the jeepney. When we reach the street that gets awfully traffic, we will not utter any word. Which was actually easy, ’cause I had my earphones, and I recently registered an unlimited texting service in globe. But at the time the game was happening, we couldn’t help but giggle and smile at each other when eyes meet. And even the time that Pons asked change from me (with body language ha ha!) for his 50 pesos. I was laughing out loud in my mind that time. It’s like we were mute for some time. And then we reached our destination. Whilst walking we found out that it was Pons’ first time to visit Trinoma, we suddenly thought of running away leaving him all alone, but that didn’t work out ’cause he said if we do that he would go home instantly. Ha ha, scumbag friends. Anyways, we walked around, ate at the food court, fast food, and sat ’cause I got tired. We went home when it was dark already. As I got home, I wanted to blog something that I’ve written at school. A blog about my ultimate wish but then the house was being renovated by my brother. So I went upstairs and decided to sleep. I woke around 5 am hot and was perspiring like a pig, so I decided to rest a bit more.

And kids that’s the story of how I got sick.. Apparently. Ha ha. Anyways, that’s not the true story for this installment. I was up at noon time and received a text from Aira asking how I was and telling me to rest and eat. I have to say thanks for that. :) Anyways, when I logged in on twitter I saw tweets of Sam and Louie about the word “Enneagram“. Louie particularly put “The Enthusiast” in his tweet, while Sam had  “Perfectionist” on it. So it was really interesting for me, ’cause it was like talking about the personality. So I asked Sam what was all of that about. He told me to take the free enneagram test online, and I did.

I came across one question around there and made it my 3rd to the last tweet that time before I rested:

Sometimes I don’t know what I’m feeling until I’ve had a chance to think about it. #Enneagram. Tae, ikaw kasi @iamsamthing :| :( =))))))

Reason is still secret. Ha ha. It was Sam’s fault, and I am grateful for what he did. Although it racked my brain still racks my brain. Anyways, after going through a lot of questions (which I loved, by the way, it is one of my hobbies to answer questions about me ha ha!) The results came, and I tweeted my 2 last tweets ‘fore I rested my ill body.

The Loyalist. #Enneagram.

and

Gonna shake of this feeling. Hoping to wake up all well. :)

Was my last tweet, luckily I woke up feeling a lot better, and decided to read about my results (oh, I bookmarked it before I logged out). It was a long read but was worth it. I saw words that defined me afaik (as far as i know) of myself o’course, and some didn’t, after all, tests aren’t 100% accurate. But still, it gave me the creeps knowing how answering some questions could show who you are to yourself. Here’s what I have read:

Enneagram Type 6 - The Loyalist

Conflicted between trust and distrust
People of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality, which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting, but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of “defensive suspiciousness.” Sixes don’t trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on.

 
Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in. This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six’s tendency towards distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority. Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of enneatype Six, and assume different proportions in different individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.

 
The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it.
Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for female Sixes to mistype as Twos, especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which come easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four’s self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives, especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, conterphobic Sixes can easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight’s self-certainty.


Type 6The Loyalist. Conflicted between trust and distrust.

 

Hmm, sounds relational. First off on the list insecurity. I couldn’t pin the point of the description maybe because I don’t see what insecurity means truly. I only know situations involving insecurity, never the meaning. Guys, could you clear my head out for this? Reading through there, is fear and anxiety. Fear is definitely holding me from a lot of things. My 2 top-most fears in this world are heights and death (not the moment of death, but what happens after it). Anxiety is probably the truthful part of my well-being. I tend to worry about a lot of things in life, even the small ones. I over think a lot, which leads to the next thing in the description which is worrying about everything that might go wrong. I expect everything to go wrong at first, so if it happens, I am prepared. And if it doesn’t, I would be ultimately grateful. Personally, I do see myself gifted in terms of trouble shooting. I have experienced this in  groups I have had regarding the program making. I was the trouble shooter.. well, sort of. I just point out what’s wrong, like the typos, brackets and file names. I trust easily contrary to the words depicted above, but the part of steadfast loyalty is accurately true. I don’t judge a person on how I hear them around, I want to know them by myself, and from there will I learn to trust, and as long as I know who they are, I will be loyal. Also on the case of the last sentence, I am not independent in any way. I want to stand by someone or in something I like. Maybe this is the reason why I always pictured life better with someone (significant other) by my side.

 

I always find something to believe. I believe in God, not the religion. I believe that love is the most important thing of all. I believe that everyone should have freedom when they are capable of knowing right and wrong. And from here maybe I have made a strategy of dealing with my fears. Since it says above that we are basically phobic, I have pictured myself the same way. Looking back to everything I have done in my life, I have been much much cooperative in who I come across with. But I guess not everything. I have been counter-phobic in some aspects, mainly because I hate rules. And I guess that came from inside the house (having strict parents). I don’t know how that part of me developed. The rebel side of me came to life when I learned how strict my parents was. I mean, I didn’t have a lot of friends back then, so influenced by peers is crossed-out. I don’t see anyone in the family with my idea of living so I kinda thought I was a black sheep. Well, I always think I am the black sheep of the family, ’cause I always create every problem. I still don’t know how I became the person I am, and for me it’s kind of weird how I ever turned into a phobic/counter-phobic Six. But that’s how I see myself from the given results.

 

I actually enjoy these types of tests. ‘Cause from where I am standing right now, I still believe that, Sometimes I don’t know what I’m feeling until I’ve had a chance to think about it. And these simple questions, tests, results are ways to make me think. Of course the people around me constantly contribute to what I perceive of everything in life. I have nattered far too long for this, it’s time to check some of the help that is listed in the test’s site about conquering said difficulties. :)

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