Well, I’ve been on quite a hiatus in managing this blog. And it feels good to be back. The memories flourishing inside my body gives me the goosebumps. But I have to endure that, endure this fleeting feeling that makes me scared. Hay.
So this is about what happened weeks before February 14, the most important parts.
Back October 6, 2011, Samuel and I was waiting in front of the Eng’g building for the people who had been invited for a celebration for a successful short film named TALAS: Junior Detective. We were laughing almost every time remembering the embarrassing scenes we showed in class. While that happened, Pauline and a beautiful girl came walking towards us. The girl was going home and Pauline was accompanying her to where she will ride (cause Pauline was coming with us that time). The girl asked me.. “Sabay ka?” I replied “Hindi eh, may pupuntahan kami *smile*“. The girl smiled then went away. Samuel was looking at me, in a weird grin. Kind of like teasing me in some way, then suddenly saying “Erick! No!”. Curious, I was thinking what it meant but.. for a millisecond though, cause in like a split second, I understood what he meant by teasing me like that. I knew. I knew what he was teasing me, and I said in reply “No! No! *coversmyface* No no no!”. I was sure I was blushing that time. But yeah, because of that annoying big (non-biological)brother of mine, I realized how much I liked that girl. Starting there, I was teased by Pauline, Louie and Samuel all the time.
In realizing those feelings of mine, I became scared that she might be thinking of the same. I was scared cause she might reject me, like all of the girls who knew whatever I have felt. We did talk and went home and/or went to school together, but that made me more afraid of what’s to come. And starting then, I’ve had difficulty asking her if we could go to school together. I’ve come to hate my guts again. Why was it always like this.
December came. What was the occasion? PASKUHAN! :D I was saving my money for this day. And like for some people (because after Paskuhan, I realized many people did plan the same thing), I have only one thing planned for Paskuhan. To give her a necklace during the Pyromusical. There was another plot too, having her blindfolded by someone, then I slowly would put on her the necklace not touching the neck. Then as I close the lock, I would ask somebody to bump her as I let go, so it would feel like nothing has been done. But I had that plan when I was going to Paskuhan, so that was a no. :( So I was saving money by that time, but then Samuel, Kevin and Louie asked for us to go and eat at BK before Paskuhan at SM San Lazaro. And I said “Aw ayoko dyan. Nagiipon ako, mauubos pera ko dyan sa BK“. But then they replied “Okay lang, di naman kami magugutom”. Then they went in. I was like really? Now, you’re gonna say those to me? -_- I ended up eating there and not being able to buy the necklace I saw at Silverworks. That bummed me out and I fell out of mood until Paskuhan. They had a spot at the front part of Grandstand, but I decided to stay with my other family(B). Paskuhan ended without me doing anything. Damn it, Erick.
We did see each other and went together to school in the LRT, but pure coincidence. It was winter break, yay! Then I realized I did not even save money, okay. :( All that I could think about was her. When our annual Christmas party was coming, I knew with a little hope that I would have money at hand. We even talked in FB, I told her I couldn’t text ’cause I had no load. Lies. I was actually saving my money to buy her something. And yes I did save a bit of money. Enough for me to ask my sister what kind of stuffs girls like. But then I went back to my usual plan of buying a necklace. My sister helped me out this time and she picked a beautiful necklace. I got excited all of a sudden and thanked my sister. But as we got home.. “Teka, pano ko bibigay to? *sigh*“.
January 2012 came. Back to classes, and this time I even became more indifferent. I hated what I was doing, but the feeling of anxiety and fear crept up and built like a fortress around me. It was reaaaaaaaally hard going out of that fortress. Most of the time, or maybe all the time, she was the first to talk so we could have a little chit-chat. Although I was happy, at the back of my mind, I was raging like hell ’cause I couldn’t even try to talk to her. And even the necklace part, Pauline and I made a plan that I give to this girl the necklace by January 6, so it would be 3 months. Kind of like the 3 month rule. But I didn’t get the chance to give it to her that day. But starting January 6 till February 13, the necklace was inside my bag the whole time.
February 14. Valentines Day. The night before that, Louie and Sam kept pushing me everytime I tweeted random stuffs. They told me like “Ano plano?“, “Ano balak mo?“, “Pano na bukas?“. I even asked a serious question, Louie answered it but then again asked what I was planning. I got irritated that time and decided not to do anything on 14. I took a nap and woke up 2am. Reflecting on what tomorrow is, I stood up..
I kept a paper of a draft about what I wanted to tell that girl. I looked for it as I decided to re-write it in another stationary. After re-writing it, it was like 3:30 already and I went up looking for a little bag that the letter and gift would fit in. I found one at my sister’s room. A little pink handmade bag. I ran down looking at the clock, 4:15. I put everything in the pink bag then inside my school bag. Bagception. Anyways, I raced on doing every hygienic thing as possible and got ready by 5:15. It was early to go out, so I decided to blog that time about her. But it became an unfinished work as it was 5:45 already, and I decided to go to school.
At school I was indiferrent for like 45 minutes until Pauline shouted at me “Hoy! 14 na, anong balak mo!“. That, well, that triggered my soft side. I suddenly felt what I was doing and suddenly covered my face, afraid of blushing in public cause of embarrassment. But I pulled myself together and told her “May ibibigay lang ako.” And like friends seeing other friends fall in love and give effort, kinilig siya. Haha. I was like having a WTF moment. Almost all the time ’cause all of their eyes were on me. Samuel, Kevin, Louie, Pauline, Elaine, Thea Flores, Chola, Thea Kurotsuchi, Karl, Ciepa and all others that I didn’t tell first hand but knew anyway. As time went on, I caved in and told Samuel, Louie and Pauline that I was planning to wait for her to finish her IT104L time. That was 10am-1pm, so I had 3 hours to wait. I was circling around the 5th floor, where my SAD group mates were working, and the 4th floor, where she was. By 10:40 I saw Kevin Leechang around the hallway of the 4th floor. We talked about everything we planned on the girls we liked. It was kind of refreshing ’cause I know I have someone to talk to about this stuffs. That there’s someone else going through what I am going through. By 11:20 he said he has to meet with Paul Ronquillo, I decided to come with them on whatever adventure. Which leaded us to Dangwa, the nearest place to buy roses. Apparently, Paul was gonna buy roses for her girlfriend Ragee. And I decided to buy too. I wanted to buy a dozen but it would cost 2160php(w/c is not yet arranged). I didn’t have that big of money in my wallet, so I decided to for one only that cost 250. If only I had saved a lot of money. :( But yeah, I didn’t expect I would buy a rose this time. I went back alone and reached Engineering building around 12:10pm. 5th floor was the first place I went to. I sat and chatted with them. But sometime after that, Miguel went up and told me that they were done..
Suddenly I said “Seryoso?! Di pa ako ready! Hala“. Then I stood up, then Samuel, Kevin, Louie and Vina went down to watch. I went down last and before I even got near the room, the girl was outside, probably going to the restroom. I turned back, as in 180 degrees. That time that I turned back I was feeling so many things. Shyness, Awkwardness, Fear, Embarrassment, Kilig? But before I even stepped further, a part of me made me turn back around. Facing her, she had the look of teasing me. I think she was gonna ask who was that for. “Para kanino yan?“. She asked. I was right, but then I said “Para sa’yo“. She suddenly panicked went to Samuel, Louie and the others asking “Weh! Seryoso ba to?“. She repeated that for a while as she came near to everyone, then everyone decided to move farther away from us. She looked at me and asked again. I told her “Seryoso ako“. She then stopped in front of me.
I actually was out of words. I alternately looked for my friends shifting to covering my face stuttering in front of the girl in front of me. She asked me when this started, I told her last year October. Then I was out of words again and she kept saying “Naiiyak ka ba?” and I replied “Hindi, nahihiya lang talaga ako“. Then covering my face again. I told her some of the stuffs I put in the letter like why it started, why her, but she told me “Wala pa ako mai-rereply dito“. I said “Okay lang, di naman ako nageexpect ng kahit ano“. I also told her that I haven’t ever confessed personally to a girl. She then threw the girls I liked from the past, I told her she knew that herself. ‘Cause as far as I know, she knows it better than anyone else. She is my best friend after all. But now no, she is my priority. I will not stop here. I know I can do stuffs at my own pace, but I will try my best to change this way. As they have said, to get something you’ve never got, you must do something you’ve never done. She then escorted me to where my group was and from there we parted. The only thing I was feeling there was relief and happiness. I’ve finally told her! :)
So here I am, February 20. Blogging my heart out. I hope she reads this in some way. But she knows what I want to tell her anyway. Randomly saying, I put the necklace inside a Bench Fix Clay DOH can that I cleaned beforehand. The reason why I put it there is because I would put the gift for the most important girl in my life, to the most important material in my life. Not the usual sweet speech everyone is looking for, but it means a lot to me. She means a lot to me.
Take care always, Aira Cheyenne Ramos. I am still your best friend, but I am giving you another option. It’s all up to you. :)