February 21, 2012

This day wasn’t unlike any other, even though I listed this in the “Everyday Blogging” Category.

 

After blogging my longest blog yet here, I decided to watch Kanon 2006. I finished it this day also, around 4:15am. Watching Kanon after Clannad changed the way I see about miracles. Miracles can happen, if the faith of two people are strong enough. This is now, how I see myself in the future.

 

Shaking off the feeling and tears (yes, it’s a bit like Clannad so I cried), I went to school early. I started reviewing as soon as Samuel came inside. Quiz in SOC9. Went better than I had expected though. I may not get a high score, but I think I will pass. Upon finishing the exam, we went out, and unexpectedly, she talked to me. That stirred me up of course. I was starting to get sick of myself letting her talk to me first. I feel like the fear I have is leaving a barricade around me again. But then again once we started to talk, all those fear and anxiety go away. I am happy and carefree as ever. I am comfortable in away that I can tell anything and everything honestly.

 

But the way she said, “Usap tayo mamaya“. Sounded like what every guy thinks it would be like. Either in courting or in a relationship, it’s like a dropping a nuclear bomb that will wreck all life form in the Earth. Okay, I maybe over-reacting, but that’s the way I imagined it. But to be realistic, I just felt something bad will happen. We talked all the way down the stairs and stopped in front of Engineering building. She said bye and we parted ways.

 

It was Frankie time a while ago. And I was supposed to come back for the last batch lab activity. Actually I’ve missed 2 weeks already and decided to skip this week too. I feel stupid because I don’t know what to do in there. And I hate him for not being able to teach well. Nasayang ang tuition ko grabe. Sometimes I just want to ignore him for the rest of the semester, but I guess I can’t do that. I would try to learn now in my own how that subject works so the next time I come he won’t say “Wala ka pang alam“. She wanted me to go though. I couldn’t push through cause my mind was set that time. Sorry. We went to Kevin’s dorm that time to do our SAD project. We stayed until 12:40 there. And remembering that I need to talk to that girl, even though nobody wanted to go to class, I stood up and tried to go out. A moment later, they were fixing stuffs and I went out the room.

 

Reaching ICS Lab 3 alone (cause Samuel and Louie had to print a file), I sat near her. And like lazy beings we rolled our computer chairs to each other and started to talk. It was clear to myself that I couldn’t look at her eye-to-eye so I started spinning my seat. But the way we talked, telling everything from embarrassing or not, made me really, really comfortable. The joke made me a slow person though, haha. Dang that “City Joke”.

 

But she told me what I needed to hear. She wasn’t ready. Which I understood of course. As far as I remember from everyone I’ve talked to, I remember someone saying she’s not ready for that kind of relationship or something. I couldn’t pick anything else to say because I don’t hold anything. I just understood her side even though it’s just like that. I also couldn’t blame her on saying that this might be leftovers from my feelings with Rika. I told her everything after all. But in this case, I highly doubt that is what I’m feeling. She might not think the same, but I guess if time would allow me, I will show her how sincere I am. So from that, I will wait for the time she is ready I guess. You’re a man Erick, you can do it.

 

She left that time, they needed to go. And I was at the lab with my friends again. I didn’t tell anything to them yet. I feel like reflecting, but as I am blogging about it right now, I think I have reflected enough to say it to anyone. I have to sleep now though, been awake for 24 hours already. Good Afternoon people. :)

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