Perception

Like every other day, I go about my way and circle around the friends I am close to. Sometimes there are those I do not really talk to a lot, but it’s mostly the closer ones. Bad introduction, booo! Well, I at a loss for words. But here you go:

 

I know everyone does it, but in my case, I have been doing this a lot recently. First and foremost, every action that I take is purely instinct and wholehearted. I never use my brain except for a latter time, approvingly when I sense the sarcasm or troll value of a situation. But nonetheless, my heart goes first. I do, what I feel I want to do. That’s why I mess up priorities a lot and in this subject, I am looking back at the times where people close to me knew beforehand whatever it is I am feeling.

 

This past week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. Specifically, my actions. What the @(*&#% hell am I doing every time I’m around the closest of friends. I see myself all giggly and happy, all the time. There’s just that part of my body that loves to give happiness, show happiness and portray happiness. Well for one, being surrounded by my friends make me happy which makes me, of course, give off that amount of happiness to all around me. But I’ve sensed a lot of changes in me this past week. I sensed responsibility. For the rarest times, I’ve felt responsible in all my academics and in turn gave me power in answering this week’s exams and consultations. I also sensed ignorance. I see how I’ve become distant to my friends who keep on bugging me. I sensed maturity. This comes out once in a while, whenever something serious comes up, but it never dawdled me that I can become one in a few years. Even though I am close to being in my twenties, I always looked at myself far from becoming mature. Anyways, lastly is determination. I’ve set my goal in life and that goal is, yes, a person. It may sound weird and a pathetic goal to others who perceive power, money and fame as success, but to me true success is finding what you’re looking for in your life. ‘Cause when you’ve found it, everything else becomes easier, lighter and more bearable. I see how determined I am, or so it seems.

 

Even though I know this is not going anywhere. Like a 10-90 probability with 10 winning that heart. God knows my faith in Him and her.

 

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT. Oyasumi nasai~ :)

Priotities

Hello Melons~ :hi
I will be in an Indefinite Hiatus state this coming weeks. Reason so is..

 

1. What I though for this Summer Vacay is having to rest freely is wrong. We are gonna get burned up with a 234-hour OJT. Although not much companies has replied/called to me, I will take care of everything next week pronto. :phew

 

2. With that in mind, I will start to study some networking this Summer Vacay. I might not be totally interested in my course (Still thinking of shifting to Conservatory of Music) here which is IT, networking works fine with me. I’m gonna set priorities straight right now to prepare me for the future. I wouldn’t want my father abroad (Japan) to stay any further there while seeing the news of earthquakes happening there. :nuooo :cry2

 

3. My friends IRL playing GE are starting to quit solely for the same reason. I might feel like a bum if I didn’t realize what they have realized, so I will start to set things straight like them. :study2

 

I will definitely miss Merovingian Faction as a whole. I never forget that green chat that always makes me laugh whenever I log in on the game. I am also sorry for every shortcoming I have for others, like a little misunderstanding with Uncle Rod, failing my word with Kibi for a day in SCR and other stuffs that might have hurt members. But I wish from the time I have stayed here, I have made someone, anyone proud of having me as a member. :cry4

 

Thanks a lot Saracen, InfernalSaint, ArchSaviour and Ripclaw for taking care if me inside the Faction and also to my Fury Squadding partner Grimmshaw. I would’ve never progressed like I would if it weren’t for them. Especially Mom, who took me in with open arms. And for all of you who had been nice to me even though I don’t speak up much. I feel grateful. :best

 

I will still log in from time to time to talk to Melons and if ever everything here becomes stable I would probably continue on playing. That’s it for now, it was fun being a DFL for a time in Merovingian. Ja ne~ :bye2

 

-AuditorĂš (Erick).

One Fateful Night – Introduction

Main Protagonists:

Charles Evans

Brendon Saville

Marvin Lawrie

Dianne Valentine

Patrick Kumar

Natalie Pelham

Raelene Andrews

Introduction:

Charles Evans, also known as Chuck, is a student in the University of Santo Tomas here in Manila, Philippines. He’s in his junior year now and spends time with his best friend Brendon Saville from sophomore year. The same year, they met Marvin Lawrie along with his friends Dianne Valentine and Patrick Kumar. They became close to one another by having similarities of striking interests like staying late at school (after school time), hanging out anywhere from dusk till dawn, telling ghost stories from different places, and eagerly planning out plans about the rumored zombie apocalypse. In doing the stuffs they loved, they met on the way two best friends Raelene Andrews and Natalie Pelham and from there the group became larger. They went about their way until on one night they experienced silence around the grounds of the school. They decided to stay inside from interest and curiosity until they found out that there were other creatures lurking around eating flesh from corpses around. They ran all the way back to the Engineering building to find out more of these creatures and an enclosed grounds. They’ve been planning this but they didn’t expect this to happen so quick. Find out how they’ll experience this One Fateful Night.

Erick Cua. Signature yan. Ha ha.

Ano Hana

I have watched an Anime that stirred the feelings of mine between me and my friends. Made me treasure what my friendship with meant to me. The title of this Anime is..

 

Ano Hana or Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai.

 

The English translation of the title is “We Still Don’t Know the Name of the Flower We Saw That Day.” It’s a very inspiring story and the overall storyline is perfect for people who treasure their friendship a lot. For me, it was like a trigger, because even though I love my friends, I’ve never felt clingy to those who doesn’t speak to me. I mean, I only speak to the friends who speak to me first, unless they’re friends that I have told my secrets to, whom I’ve had given my full trust to. Which is a bit fine at first, but then slowly realizing what I’m doing, it feels like I’m abandoning every friendship I’ve had the past years. And I don’t want that to happen. As much as possible, I want to experience hanging out with them, if they still want to.

 

I miss a lot of my friends. Close friends that I used to talk to. I miss my (non-biological) sister, Shannel, which is in-and-out of the hospital for weeks now. I am worried and I am messaging her, but sometimes I am ignored. I don’t know if I have been too ignorant to be caring now or I’m not making any effort at all just by waiting. I am very unsure about a lot of things now. I miss the girl who couldn’t slap me because of a perfectly good reason?, Colleen, which is now with another group. I have been seeing her a lot lately with a couple of hugs here and there, but everything went from being close to being casual. It hurts actually when the person you used to talk to about everything seems too distant now. I know it’s my fault a bit for this happening, but I can’t regret everything of course. I miss my grandmother, Clarissa, which is going through a lot at her new school. Even though I know that she has a lot of new friends there, I still can’t ignore the lingering feeling of her being hurt as she hasn’t been receiving much reply from our barkada these past days. It maybe because our barkada has been too busy with schoolworks but seeing how it’s like turning around rather than pinning details why we can’t come. It feels like she’s in another country when she’s like 1 jeepney away from our school. It sucks inside. I miss two of my bestfriends, Renz and Pons. I feel like I’ve been turning a blind eye on them ever since Thesis, SAD and Embedded projects came to my school life. Or maybe because I’ve felt that their bond is much stronger than the 3 of us together. I mean it don’t think much about it, but I think I am always the third wheel in friendships that’s why I experience friendships in 3-ways. Sound weird? Ha ha. Well for instance, the first 2 years in my existence in college, I have been friends with Renz and Pons. We were 3 people there. And the next year I am friends with Sam and Louie. But now, I always feel kike a third wheel. Not that I am whining or something, but it feels lonely sometimes when they talk without me knowing. They have a lot of things to talk about without me and when it’s us three, there are some filtered topics. Kind of like when me, Pons and Renz are together, but not all the time. I don’t know actually where to place myself. I have been in a bestfriend relationship and that’s who I am gonna talk about next. I miss my bestfriend Michael. I miss going to his dorm and stay there even when there’s nothing to do. I know this time it’s my fault for loving the girl he loves so I have nothing to reason out here. But I don’t regret whatever my heart wanted. And even though everything became the past now, we still haven’t made-up yet. I don’t know if this will go on forever (I hope and plead not) I can’t do anything about it. Maybe I’m not really good in maintaining that kind of a relationship with someone.

 

If ever I may be given the time and opportunity to hang out with them, which is fairly easy, I will do my best to make up whatever shortcomings I’ve had to them. I miss my friends a lot. Ano Hana has taught me to treasure my friends, close or not. Even though we change day by day, I know in my heart that we will still remember the happiest and saddest times when we were together. I hope our barkada never dissolves much further than it is now. I don’t want to be heartbroken in both parts in my life because I cannot talk about this with my family. We were never brought up with that kind of closeness in the family, so I always turn to my friends and special someone. But I don’t have any special someone. And my barkada is slowly breaking up into smaller groups. I don’t know if it can go back to where it was, but I am still hoping and praying that it will. I love everyone inside that group. And I miss the group as a whole. BarakoBoys&F4.

Interests

Thinking about what I’ve gone through a couple of years, I’ve seen how my interest in my course is slowly depleting. I don’t know the factors, but I can see how it falls day-by-day. It’s hard to get motivated when everyone around you is so intelligent. You feel like a bum and start to do nothing. But I try hard though, for the sake of my parents’ hard work. I don’t know how far I’ll get in this field, but I’ll try hard. This just tells me that maybe I may be wrong from the past. Maybe this is not my heart’s first choice..