I have watched an Anime that stirred the feelings of mine between me and my friends. Made me treasure what my friendship with meant to me. The title of this Anime is..
Ano Hana or Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai.
The English translation of the title is “We Still Don’t Know the Name of the Flower We Saw That Day.” It’s a very inspiring story and the overall storyline is perfect for people who treasure their friendship a lot. For me, it was like a trigger, because even though I love my friends, I’ve never felt clingy to those who doesn’t speak to me. I mean, I only speak to the friends who speak to me first, unless they’re friends that I have told my secrets to, whom I’ve had given my full trust to. Which is a bit fine at first, but then slowly realizing what I’m doing, it feels like I’m abandoning every friendship I’ve had the past years. And I don’t want that to happen. As much as possible, I want to experience hanging out with them, if they still want to.
I miss a lot of my friends. Close friends that I used to talk to. I miss my (non-biological) sister, Shannel, which is in-and-out of the hospital for weeks now. I am worried and I am messaging her, but sometimes I am ignored. I don’t know if I have been too ignorant to be caring now or I’m not making any effort at all just by waiting. I am very unsure about a lot of things now. I miss the girl who couldn’t slap me because of a perfectly good reason?, Colleen, which is now with another group. I have been seeing her a lot lately with a couple of hugs here and there, but everything went from being close to being casual. It hurts actually when the person you used to talk to about everything seems too distant now. I know it’s my fault a bit for this happening, but I can’t regret everything of course. I miss my grandmother, Clarissa, which is going through a lot at her new school. Even though I know that she has a lot of new friends there, I still can’t ignore the lingering feeling of her being hurt as she hasn’t been receiving much reply from our barkada these past days. It maybe because our barkada has been too busy with schoolworks but seeing how it’s like turning around rather than pinning details why we can’t come. It feels like she’s in another country when she’s like 1 jeepney away from our school. It sucks inside. I miss two of my bestfriends, Renz and Pons. I feel like I’ve been turning a blind eye on them ever since Thesis, SAD and Embedded projects came to my school life. Or maybe because I’ve felt that their bond is much stronger than the 3 of us together. I mean it don’t think much about it, but I think I am always the third wheel in friendships that’s why I experience friendships in 3-ways. Sound weird? Ha ha. Well for instance, the first 2 years in my existence in college, I have been friends with Renz and Pons. We were 3 people there. And the next year I am friends with Sam and Louie. But now, I always feel kike a third wheel. Not that I am whining or something, but it feels lonely sometimes when they talk without me knowing. They have a lot of things to talk about without me and when it’s us three, there are some filtered topics. Kind of like when me, Pons and Renz are together, but not all the time. I don’t know actually where to place myself. I have been in a bestfriend relationship and that’s who I am gonna talk about next. I miss my bestfriend Michael. I miss going to his dorm and stay there even when there’s nothing to do. I know this time it’s my fault for loving the girl he loves so I have nothing to reason out here. But I don’t regret whatever my heart wanted. And even though everything became the past now, we still haven’t made-up yet. I don’t know if this will go on forever (I hope and plead not) I can’t do anything about it. Maybe I’m not really good in maintaining that kind of a relationship with someone.
If ever I may be given the time and opportunity to hang out with them, which is fairly easy, I will do my best to make up whatever shortcomings I’ve had to them. I miss my friends a lot. Ano Hana has taught me to treasure my friends, close or not. Even though we change day by day, I know in my heart that we will still remember the happiest and saddest times when we were together. I hope our barkada never dissolves much further than it is now. I don’t want to be heartbroken in both parts in my life because I cannot talk about this with my family. We were never brought up with that kind of closeness in the family, so I always turn to my friends and special someone. But I don’t have any special someone. And my barkada is slowly breaking up into smaller groups. I don’t know if it can go back to where it was, but I am still hoping and praying that it will. I love everyone inside that group. And I miss the group as a whole. BarakoBoys&F4.