These past days, I found myself dwelling around the past. It was something I couldn’t forget that easily. There were moments from the past that I have never ever forgotten. Mostly about how fun it was being in first own barkada in college. It was something I have never expected, but never regretted in every aspect of it. But now it looks like a thing of the past frankly because I have been away with them for a long time now. I miss them, a lot if it’s to be emphasized. And I am worried about the group altogether, the group had created another group within, then started to leave out others again and again. Maybe in a matter of time, or maybe it has happened already, our group is dead. Seriously, I am lonely and hurt.

L-R: Paolo Tan, Me, Cedric Ricacho, Pons Cutanda, Julius Apacible.

I miss the times where I could do anything all of us, or other people want without even getting shy and grossed out, because all of the guys are there with me doing the same thing. Being game to whatever we need/want to do in a split second. There will never be a dull moment, or even a quiet moment when the guys are together in a place. We would do some of the most stupid or noisiest thing ever possible. Not that we want attention, but we like to embarrass the other guys with every might. It was something that was done even now (present condition) even though we rarely meet around. *Barako boys in a debut*

L-R: Me, Pons Cutanda, Renz Cruz

I miss the times where when we were inside a classroom and the professor requires a group then instantly every eye of our group meet together. It was automatic. We didn’t need to talk. There was actually a time where we need to be grouped in I forgot how many people and after the instructions were given (that time we didn’t look at each other but just listened) we stood up, looked at one person and started talking about how to do this and that. It was a no-brainer. *By the way, we were on a trip here*

Me and Colleen Pangan

I miss this very noisy *sorry for the word Dear. :D* girl around me. You’ll know automatic who is the girl near you when you hear her screams, squeals and laughter in which she does almost all of the time. That was her cute point so I told her never to cry. But on other points, I always feel devilish when around this girl. I tend to do something bad (implied from the picture above) and that picture is the only one caught on camera. You can think of a lot of things I can do with this girl (of course not for real), get the point? :)) *Still on a trip*

L-R: Paul Ronquillo, Me, Francis Gonzales

I miss when I was invited to every place they will go to by my 2nd barkada. This was my second home when the first surge of indifference came into our group. It wasn’t a substitution or something, I love the people inside this group too. And mostly because this was an all boy group, so we did stuffs that guys love. Going to car shows, inside the mall finding girls, stalking around here and there, etc. There are many possibilities and it keeps up the pace until now. But I get invited rarely now, ever since I was in another section. *Car show in UP*

Shannel Alano and Me

Look. Look at her eyes. :)) You can see her mad eyes at me. That’s the care I miss from my (non-biological) sister. I rarely even talk to her. My first ever girl bestfriend from college, and now we don’t even talk much. It sucks. I really feel like being independent when I got separated from her because she took care of me whenever we were together, and of course vice-versa. But really, when we got separated it feels like I was separated from my parents. I felt independent because I couldn’t ask anyone anymore with any of my decision. I wish we could spend lots of time after finishing this remaining school year. *Fixing my clothes for the pageant*

Clarissa Garcia and Me

That’s my grandmother. Ha ha, well that came from a joke actually. We were teasing together about having brittle bones which turned into a nickname we call each other. Lola and Lolo. She was the first to leave us because she wanted to study in DLSU. She was the first one to experience the feeling and complication of being out of the group. I always joked about how she leaving makes everything hard for her to stay connected with us, but now I just regret everything. Firstly, because I have experienced it first hand and lastly, because I didn’t knew it could hurt that much from my perspective. I still catch up with her in texts, chats and tweets, but personal is better and of course a group is a group. It’s not the same without everyone together. I promised myself something when this girl went away. And I just hope one day we can spend time together in the future. *(c) of Shannel, who loves teasing us together*

L-R: Me, Renz Cruz, Pons Cutanda

Pipi, Bulag, Bingi

What I miss the most is this trio here. This was.. No, this is still the best friends I have ever had. I will never ever try to go away from these 2 right here. They have taught me a lot about respect and love between friends. Those 2 are the best friends a person can ever have. You will never regret giving your trust to them, showing your inner feelings and sharing every laughter and tears with these guys. They will never judge you, never forget you and never ever betray you. I think we saw through this moment in the same manner because now we try to set dates on when to meet and catch up or go overnight in Avida (Renz’ condo). We definitely won’t leave the moments we had for the past only. We will live through together.. Watching Running Man Episodes and SNSD videos. :)) *First picture at IT Laboratory in UST//Second one outside Almer’s Eatery*

Two years have passed ever since these photos were taken. And if you look at it more seems like I miss the past totally and I don’t have friends in the moment.

L-R: Me, Sam Belmonte, Louie Martinez

I love both of them as much as I love each and every one of my best friends from above. I could never replace each individual above with another person. I just wish I could be with them altogether, if ever that is possible. They have their own unique personalities that gives me the reason to hang out with them more and more everyday. I may not be verbal enough as I am to them, but they are never a substitute.

Me 2 years ago

I may not be the best friend these guys have ever had. Maybe that’s why the group has been falling apart because they have found much better friends outside. But I am really blessed that I can call each and everyone from above, my friends. I have never been blessed this much in my life. I am admitting right this moment that I have thought about self-destruction from the past, but in meeting these people, I realized how stupid I was back then. I thank God for giving me wonderful friends and I hope I can meet more in the future.

Arigatou//Kamsahamnida//Salamat//Thanks God!


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