Paramour

There’s a certain push I see in life. That moment when all of your problems and heartaches just vanish like the shells by the sea. With each ravishing wave the sea makes to the shoreline, it’s like life pushing you to the limitΒ  till you become the person you should be, like how the beach was ever beautifully created.

 

In over a period of 2 weeks, I have experienced the worst ordeal a student should ever experience in the academic side. With just half a year on your student clock comes the very unimaginable strike of the 5th number. With no chances left you just go on walking, running, jumping, crying, celebrating, regretting everything or for everything that has been happening in your life. Affixing signatures of different authorities here and there inside a gigantic university is helplessly difficult, especially when it’s like the whole world is against you. It was probably my worst week yet, was meaning it has ended. And the sigh of relief, the celebratory shout of “YES!”, the nights I can sleep well, at last I can be wishful again. But all of this are by my fault, my regrets, my actions, my thinking and of course doing. Nonetheless, I salute myself for not giving up from the hardships that had been there bashing my every hope of not taking up all of the rest of my deficiencies. Here’s to Erick, for a good job done! Or so my mother says.

 

Amidst the feeling of regret and relief, there’s nothing more I feel in life. I’ve become so numb that the song of Linking Park namely Numb has been ringing in my ears for quite a while now. It’s devastating to think about it, if I could but that’s just how I go with everything. It may seem I fake every bit of laughter I show in school, but it’s just a matter of self-defense of the stuffs that had come by my predicaments.

 

Anyway the rest of these 4 months take me, I will exceptionally take it like I am. A man. Goodnight.

 

Where art thou paramour?

Erick

November 20, 2012. 12:51am.

Fly Away

More and more each day, people around me are slowly moving away. The once fixed and unbreakable spell of friendship adorned is now slowly rusting like metal on water. The worst part is realizing it and that no matter how hard you try to reconnect, there’s nothing more to offer. Time to move on.

 

Time flies. People change.

A Catch

Watching How I Met Your Mother Seasons 1-8 (till the latest) for a couple of weeks now. Never get tired. With all the comedy, romance, booze, strip club, suits, news reports, weddings, etc., I always laugh my ass off.

 

But something about this tv show just keeps talking to me. I think there’s a really connection with me and the story… In some way, from all the people, feelings and scenarios HIMYM has shown.

 

If what I think is real, should I ever? Erick, think. The universe might slap you in the face, but at least you held your best.

If you just..

Anxious. And. Tired. Every. Single. Day.

 

It is a fierce battle everyday that I fight by my hands. Conquering each fall that you can’t fathom that life just gives. Keeping myself busy with all the possible solutions I can think of from this strange brain. Firing up my feelings to keep up with today’s twist and turns. And contemplating alone on how I should tackle life that just.. just.. hits you on the nuts.

 

I have never felt down in my whole life. This down, I mean. All the possible problems I have encountered today are at my demise, but I still can’t understand why even the people around me create the same scenarios. It’s like I slapped myself again and again.. and again. I really don’t know how I can overcome this anymore.

 

*sigh*

Tik.

Tok.

Tik.

Tok.

 

*gentle breeze*

Much like the cold weather that’s supposed to come here in the Philippines, my heart has grown colder and colder. Unable to hold any meaning in life. Grasping what’s left in this tired forgiving heart, that still hungers for love though. I could never shake the feeling that something/one is just missing in my life. I don’t know if it/her/him/they are just around the corner or in my life already that I haven’t (or he/she/they haven’t) just realized. But I think that feeling will just go…

 

Tik.

Tok.

Tik.

Tok…

*silence*

 

Away. Anyone there?