Nine o’ Five

May 9, 2015

 

Do you remember the last time you made an effort for someone to let them know their worth in this world? When was the last time you scraped your fingers till your bones to show someone everything you wanted them to see. To make them feel the feeling that surges onto your body when you are near them. To give them goosebumps on how much you mean the world to them?

 

Me? I continue to experience it. Better yet, I keep experiencing it. Ever since that year ago that I got my hands tied to everything I know in life and love that I have to show my whole self and what I could and couldn’t do. And I got what I asked for. You know, a year isn’t actually that long. A journey isn’t going to feel so long. If you’re enjoying the ride, you’d most likely ride the wave. And the ride is amazing.

 

She found me. And it will never be as amazing as it is yesterday. Cheers to the future! :)

 

Thank you for accepting me as a whole, my Princess Faye ♥

 

-5:25am. Erick.

Smile

We can never know the impact a simple smile has on another. Smiling is one of the easiest things we can do. Is there a simpler more effortless way to give everyone you meet a moment of joy, even a sense of worth?” – Steve Goodier

 
I came across this quote from a person dear to me and quite frankly, I am compelled. It is exactly how it is described, with just one simple smile, you can turn around the moods of people. They bring a sense of joy, courage, assurance and sometimes, I guess, amusement. But why stop at that? Smiles go a long way down the road. You just need to know where and when you should use it. Nobody is forcing you to smile, but why not? :)

 

The ecstatic feeling of someone smiling at you could be contagious that you, in turn, smile at other people, which will turn into 2 more people smiling, then 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, hundreds, thousands, millions,  all day and night long. Isn’t the world a much nicer place already? I for one believe that a smile, while effortless, could guarantee and assure you in a lot of different and heavy moments and even give you hope on the darkest days. I am appalled on how one person smiles at me and I just think that the world has the nicest people and is the simplest and safest place I could be on. That everything I see is beautiful, everything I hear is music, everything I smell is sweet and everything I feel is elated. It just turns your whole ideas upside down. It gets you out of your comfort zone. But then it gets you scared, scared to see that smile disappear. And then you’d do anything to see that smile again. The one that makes your own world go around. That genuine, beautiful, smile that makes you fall irrevocably and irretrievably in love. It’s hard to forget. I have found that smile, myself, and I will do my utmost best to keep it, just the way it is. :)

 

Distance doesn’t make a difference. They’re just numbers. As long as you’re sincere, it will reach it’s destination.

 

Give someone a smile. It’s never too late. :)

 

-Erick 4:28pm. Jalja~

26th

If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me~

 

Kudos, GTA V and Chicago, you really put that song in my head now, Haha. But still, I like that song ever since, but the meaning never got to me that much. Though this time I think it’s different. I am holding something that’s not mine, hoping to be mine, something so priceless, that I am scared to even leave it for a second.

 

Scared of losing someone. Even though I think I may suggest on my mind that I can be found miles away from the start without any contenders, there’s still a thought in my mind that people could catch up and win. I also have the phobia of creating the perfect scenario of a person learning to love herself on my end but realizes all of what I have done is not what she has been looking for. Stumbling, profoundly, waiting for a cure, that I think will never be done anymore. I care, I understand, I love and I long. That’s what I am doing now. And I won’t ever stop, until my bones break, my joints give in or me, when the one tells me purposely to stop my cause or to get the answer I needed, or dreaded. Whichever way it goes, I will take it..

 

*sighs* I am genuinely happy, but I am still genuinely scared.

 

God give me strength.

 

-Erick. 12:32pm.

“Just because I’m not forever by your side doesn’t mean that’s not precisely where I want to be.”

13th

Lately I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be..

 

God it’s so hot right now. Summer is like bolting up the meters on Manila’s thermometer it’s making me hard to do anything I need without sweating like a giant fat ass kid. >__< but then again, it’s just a few months away before I get the cold breeze again of Ber-months and my birthday. :))

Hmm, so what did I realize these past days? It might seem like I’ve been working my ass off the few days, but I’m wondering if I really did. But all I can say as of the moment is I’ve found out something about myself that I never knew I could do. From the past time I’ve ever genuinely make an effort, I always come up short on my side and everything just goes haywire. Thankfully though, it happened. Or else I wouldn’t be here talking to the person who holds my heart dearly and I just wish, hope and pray everyday that I would be his knight and shinning armor. I never thought I could exert as much as this effort before based on my lazy personality. If push comes to shove, my impulse acting is like a winning light saber, colored red, depicting, I want to win. I need to win. And it’s really fulfilling to know that your efforts are appreciated. It’s the kind of recognition that would allow you to repeatedly manage every kind of strength you have and build it up to the person and help, protect and even love her in whatever chance you could make or get. And growing like this, I feel like I can do more and more and exert much more effort just to be closer to the person. This is how I am now. And I’m feeling ecstatic about it!

 

Though I may need a bit of rest at the moment. I feel as though I’m awoken and I never want to sleep ever again. Cause if I do, I think I’ll never try this out again. The best feeling in the world is to being contented and loved. That’s what I aim to feel in time. And I hope she too experiences it.

 

Fighting? :)

 

 

-Erick Cua. 5:19pm

A Very Special Day

July 22, 1993.

 
The day that changed a lot of people irrevocably.

 

A girl born that time grew up to be the kindest, friendliest and most caring person any friend could ever be. A girl that is so, so beautiful inside and out, it is actually rare to see people like this. This is the kind of person you will look for, look up to, and look after, for a very very long time. She’s someone you could lean on to when you have a lot of burdens in your life; and in a while just laugh at it. Someone you would most likely smile to ’cause her smile is just captivating. Someone that would stir your sense in caring ’cause the way she cares about her friends is simply sincere. A girl with a warm and pure heart that shines over the people she’s with all the time.

 

Of all the people she had met, I am pretty sure everyone kept her as a friend. I feel sorry for those who didn’t. Because they can’t see how special a girl is. I will always look at this girl as the most special person I have ever met in my life, as she is my best friend. The one that helped me in all of my problems. The one that always listened to every rants I say. The one that always smiles when you’re looking at her. The one that cracks a joke to make people happy. She is just so wonderful.

 

On this day, July 22, 2012, I wish her the happiest birthday she could get. I wish that she would always be safe along with her family. I wish she stays happy around the people who love her endearingly. I wish she would stay strong to all the challenges she will face in the future. I wish she gets treated the way she deserves by anyone who knows her. I am just gonna say that I am always here for her, day and night, monday to sunday, anyday. I will protect her if situation persists. And I will care for her no matter what.

 

Though it may seem like we’re on different ways, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.

It just states otherwise based on who I am.

 

Saranghaeyo Aira Cheyenne Ramos. Happy Birthday! :)

.

..

.

Oh look here’s her in my android phone:

June 29, 2012

안녕 하세요~

 

Yeah. That’s how I am now. Influenced mainly by Renz and Pons with the Korean Culture. It has been a while ever since I opened this blog site. I mean, I was or am depressed in a way, that’s why I couldn’t face this site. More importantly, I am in combat with my innermost feelings. The constant alternate striking of the voices in my head and the extraordinary changes in my heart are becoming a fierce, fierce showdown. I don’t even know what to think.

 

It’s been almost 5 months since I have ever told anyone my true feelings. I still remember that fateful day–or was it? I don’t know how it became like this. Or maybe I do know, but I just couldn’t accept and forgive myself. It was constantly like this, and as far as I know of myself, it will stay like this. Maybe even forever. I have always foreseen problems with this kind of expressions of feelings but still, I say and say even without thinking for a third time. My brain sleeps almost all the time, and now at every failing confession, they change places. The brain wakes up and the heart takes a nap. Drags me out of my comfort zone and makes me utterly silent almost all the time–maybe all the time. It sucks and I don’t know how I can deal with it really. And with this happening, I just feel like I’ve lost another friend with my leap of faith.

 

Life’s a bitch, that’s the only thing I believe in. I may cursedly find destiny a big lie and timing an asshole throughout my life, but I will always find chemistry though as the best I can ever have with a girl. Maybe I was never brought to life to be loved by someone I unconditionally love. Maybe I was just here to become a friend of everybody who they can talk to, be cared and be protected. I am giving up searching for any other woman in my life and will just wait for this girl if that is what my destiny is. If we are meant to be. But if this blows off in about years or decades, I think I’d give up on love.

 

Goodnight~

사랑해 아이라.

-Erick.

Please?

Came across this post from facebook. Stirs the deepest part of my heart, especially the line.. “Haay buhay. Ang hirap maging lalake. Lagi ka na lang naiiwan sa ere. Ano? Hindi ka na nagsalita? In-love ka no?” I’m not trying to be sexist here, but what’s written here is mostly true. Well, you judge yourself. I know my part as a guy. Read.

MGA HINDI ALAM NG MGA BABAE SA MGA LALAKE

Usapang lalake. *sindi ng yosi* *hithit* *buga*

Musta na, pards? Ako, okay lang. Eto. Nagmumuni-muni. Nag-iisip. Minsan talaga may mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan. Ewan ko ba.

*hinga ng malalim*

Bakit ba ganun pards, ilang beses ko na pinag-aralan pero lagi na lang lumalabas na parang kahit ‘sang anggulo mo tingnan, hindi nagiging patas para sa mga lalake ang ilang bagay pagdating sa pagmamahal.

*tingin sa stars*

Minsan naiisip ko, alam kaya ng mga babae ang hirap ng lalake na gumawa ng first move para magtapat ng pagmamahal? E yung hirap na dinadaanan sa panliligaw at pagsuyo sa mahal nya?Ang feeling ng masaktan pag nabasted? Malamang-lamang siguro, hindi ano.Wala naman yata silang alam sa mga paghihirap naten e.

Ang alam lang ata nila e mamili, manakit, magsaya at magdrama. Tingin mo?

*tingin sa malayo*

Lagi naman ganun. Una pa lang, lalake na ang naghihirap. Hassle saten ang panliligaw pero bago pa yun, kung ano pang diskarte ang gagawin naten para masabi naten sa kanila na mahal natin sila. Alam kaya nila yun? Mahirap magsabi na mahal mo na yung babae, diba?Tapos liligawan pa naten. Patutunayan na mahal nga sila. Susuyuin to-the-max.

Maghahatid sa bahay, tutulungan, sasabayan, palalamunin, pagtyatyagaan, lahat na. Kulang na lang e pagsilbihan mo nang walang sahod. (Hahaha)

At ano ang kapalit? Well, depende sa trip nila. Oo pards, sa trip lang nila.Wala silang pake kung mahal natin talaga sila. Basta ang alam nila, pag di nila tayo trip, isang malaking HINDE ang makukuha

naten, kahit umiyak pa tayo ng dugo o lumuhod sa mga asing buo-buo. Para lang silang namimili ng damit na di man lang sinusukat bago ayawan. Kaya kahit mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal natin, sorry tayo. Hindi nila alam kung mahal mo sila. Kailangan mong maabot ang kanilang mga standards o uuwi ka lang na bad trip, iiling-iling, at minsan, luhaan.

Wala tayong magagawa, marami silang alibi.

“Hindi pa ‘ko ready eh..”,

“Sorry pero I think we should just be friends..”,

“Ha? Uhhmm.. nagpapatawa ka ba? Hahahaha..”

“Better luck next time na lang muna, okay lang?”,

“Give me a decade. Pag-iisipan ko muna..”,

“Para lang kitang kapatid eh.. “

yaddah yaddah.

Isang malaking pagsasaklob ng langit at lupa ‘yon para saten.

*kuha ng bote ng beer* *lagok* *lunok*

At hindi lang ‘yon pards. Sa pre-relationship stage pa lang yon.Pag sinagot na nila tayo, satin pa rin ang hassle.

Tayo daw ang mga lalake kaya

tayo ang hahawak ng relasyon.

Tayo ang aayos kung may gulo;

tayo ang dapat magpapakabait;

tayo ang magtatyaga;

tayo ang magiging devoted at faithful;

tayo, tayo tayo.

Sila? Ummm… Teka, isipin ko.

Ayun.

Sila ang magsasabi kung anong oras kayo dapat magmeet

at kung anong oras ka dapat umuwi;

sila ang magtetext ng mga mushy at kabalbalang texts;

sila ang magdedemand sayo ng kung anu-ano;

sila ang magbabawal;

sila ang magsasabi kung kelan ka dapat mag-shave o magpagupit,

kung kelan ka pwedeng tumawag sa bahay nila,

kung kelan sila di dapat bad tripin dahil meron sila,

at kung kelan ka korni.

Minsan naikkumpara pa tayo sa ibang lalake…

Ewan. Ganun ata talaga.

*kuha ng bote ng beer* *lagok* *lunok*

Hindi pa yun tapos pards, dahil dapat tayo ang bahala kung ano ang

magiging takbo ng relasyon.

Pag maganda, edi okay.

Pag may problema, kasalanan naten.

Haay buhay. Minsan talaga kung tutuusin sakit sila ng ulo.

Kaya lang mahal naten kaya di na natin

iniintindi yun.

*hinga ng malalim*

Pero alam mo pards, feeling ko mas sincere pa tayo magmahal sa kanila. Alam mo yun, iba tayo magmahal e.Hindi lang parang laru-laro lang. Seryoso. At kung magmahal man tayo, lubus-lubusan.

Mas mature?

Hindi yung parang pambata lang gaya nila na kesyo magseselos-selos, iiyak-iyak, iina-inarte, dadradrama, at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi lang kababawan. Ka-mushyhan. Kababaihan. Iba tayo pag nagmahal.

*hinga ng malalim* *tingin sa malayo ulit*

At ito pa ang pinakamasaklap.

*singhot*

Ang ending ng relasyon. Sa mga panahong ‘to, either sawa na sila, hindi na tayo trip,may nahanap na silang better saten, o kaya they need f*cking space and time muna.Bad trip no? Wala na naman tayong choice. Sila ang masusunod.

At ano pa ang kasamang hassle don?Syempre wasak na ang imahe naten.Tayo ang lalabas na may kasalanan. Na playboy. Na nagpapaiyak.

*iiling*

Tayo siyempre ang mga masasama at sila yung mga bidang inaapi at parang mga pusang iiyak-iyak.

Ang ending:mag-ooffer sila ng “friendship” kuno matapos tayong pagsawaan, lahat ng gifts naten nasa kanila, sawi tayo sa pag-ibig, “player” na ang image naten,at higit sa lahat, mag-iisip kung papaano ipagpapatuloy ang buhay. Maiiwan tayong tulala, mag-iisip kung saan nagkamali, mamomroblema sa pag-aadjust sa pagiging single, at di na naman makakatulog.

Haay buhay. Ang hirap maging lalake. Lagi ka na lang naiiwan sa ere. Ano? Hindi ka na nagsalita? In-love ka no?

Minsan lang mag-mahal ng totoo ang lalake, kaya pag natyempohan sila nito, pahalagahan na nila. Dahil pang-habang buhay na yun. Wag silang gumawa ng permanenteng desisyon para sa pansamantalang emosyon.